A Pinch of Dysentery

What is it about getting older that you can actually feel death getting closer? This idea became very prevalent to me after riding just two rides at the Puyallup Fair. When I was a child I had no problem jumping from ride to ride and eating three elephant ears, two funnel cakes, a hamburger, a hot dog, an ice cream cone, a brick of fries, and at least one scone-I was a growing girl-then going on every ride that went fast, upside down, and spun in circles about a million times. The only thing that slowed me down at the Fair as a child was stopping to eat and my feet constantly hurting from all of the walking and running around.

When I went to the fair last night, my feet didn’t start hurting until the fair was almost closed, I could barely choke down one of the mystery meat burgers, and the scones, elephant ears, and funnel cake all seemed too sweet to stomach with the turbulent rides and screaming kids.

After just two rides, I was ready to call it a day. My head was pounding, my stomach hurt, and I am still surprised to I didn’t hurl in a nearby trash can. But, we had driven an hour to get there and paid over $80 for parking, admission tickets, and bracelets to get unlimited rides, I was not about to waste that money or an afternoon moping about my tummy hurting, so it was time to man-up.

I swear, I remember Fair food tasting better. Everything but the ice cream cone tasted like it was giving me dysentery on The Oregon Trail. I think the meat in the burger patty was the stuff McDonald’s turns away for not being high enough in quality. The burger came with nothing on it. We were not even given the option to put on lettuce, tomatoes, pickles, or raw onion. There were bottles of ketchup, mayo, and mustard on a side table next to the flimsy napkins and little packets of salt and pepper. But those were the only things you were allowed to add on to your burger, at least the only thing they didn’t charge a dollar fifty to add on. If you really wanted, you could have grilled onions and cheese. Because when I think of a delicious burger, I think of a bun, grilled onions, and mystery meat paddy. Sick.

After we were able to get our appetites back from that horrific experience (I swear, I don’t want to eat a burger for the next year) we tried a BBQ spot. I remember it was always so good, with the best ears of corn. They would always have juicy ribs, great BBQ pork or chicken sandwiches, or BBQ half (or whole) chicken. It is as American as food can get. So, we decided to go there, plus the prices are actually kind of reasonable. Once again, disappointment. Not the same type of colossal disappointment that we had from EarthQuake Burgers, but not as good as I remember. The sauce was heavy on the apple cider vinegar and the chicken was dry. The corn was still amazing and I actually liked the baked beans. But the meat and the BBQ sauce they sell in jars was subpar. And all of this made me wonder, is it the fair that changed, or just me?