Day Nine: Someone I Didn't Want to Let go, but Drifted.

Day 09: Someone you didn’t want to let go, but drifted.

Most of my friendships end in a drifting sense. Rarely ever have I gotten into a huge fight with a friend and vowed to never speak to them again. More often than not I allow the rest of my life to get in the way of my friendships or my friends and I simply change too much and no longer have enough in common to maintain a relationship. Some of those friends I regret losing.

Probably none more than my friend KAM, she is one of those people that everybody loves. She has a quiet presence that I love about her. Most people are average people, not good, not bad, but KAM is a great person, one of the best people I know. I am not sure I have ever met a more loving and caring person than her. She would do anything for her friends and family and would always be there for them completely selflessly.

Anytime I ever needed her, she would be there for me. More than once she let me sleep in her bed with her, or she would force me to eat when I was dating Bitchell. She let me cry on her shoulder every time me and a boyfriend would break up, or my dad did something completely crazy, or because I was having a shitty day and generally felt not good enough. Some of my favorite memories involve staying up all night talking with her about everything and nothing. She truly was the embodiment of a best friend.

I think our drift apart rests primarily on my shoulders. KAM is great in so many ways, but she was never very good at laying her burdens on her friends. She wasn’t closed off or guarded by any means; I think she just felt guilty for asking anyone to carry some of her emotional baggage weight. However, this makes people like me feel guilty for always dumping on her, and anyone that knows me knows I have incontinence of the mouth.

I know I was a bad friend to her anytime I was in a relationship (which was an overwhelming majority of our friendship), but it was never on purpose. I always wanted her to call me and ask me to hang out, to come over, to get ice cream…because I freaking love ice cream. But more often than not, I was calling her to make plans and then I would forget about the plans or she would have something come up and we would fail at rescheduling and I would give up. My life gets so hectic sometimes, which sounds like an excuse and it kind of is, but for a while I had a very full plate. I needed a reminder of our plans and I unfairly put that burden on her instead of just being an adult and getting a day planner like everyone else.

Eventually holidays and birthdays started slipping by unnoticed and we totally fell out of touch. Recently I found her on the Internet; apparently she decided to come back into social networking. We are cordial and it is nice to be able to keep in contact with her, but so much has changed. Her life is totally different and kind of unbelievable! I have no idea how this course of events took place, but she seems to be happy and I could not be more happy for her. But, I miss her. I miss the friendship we had. I wish I had been better to her, because if anyone deserved the extra effort, she did.