Spreading Misogyny

I get called a misogynist a lot. Granted, I hate bitches, but I would not go as far as to say I am a misogynist. I feel like that word gets thrown around too easily, like calling someone a socialist. Eventually, it starts to lose its meaning. Plus, I believe in equal rights, but unlike a lot of people, I am not mistaken about what equal rights really mean.

Women talk a big game, but when it comes to putting their money where their mouth is, they typically fall short. When most women talk about equality, they want to get the benefits from the gender roles they approve of, while sidestepping the gender roles that they find degrading, you know, like buying their own dinner.

At one point in time the women’s movement had a valid point. It was ludicrous to think unmarried women could not own a credit card. Doctors would require a husband’s permission to perform certain procedures. Women mainly went to college in order to find a husband. Even Jackie Kennedy said in an interview that she doesn’t concern herself with whom to vote for, that she just listens to her husband. Sure, her husband became the leader of the free world, but Jackie Kennedy was a trend setter, she was what women aspired to be.

During the wars, men were out fighting for our country so women were pushed into labor. Women worked in manufacturing plants and as nurses and secretaries, and as managers. They were given a taste of life outside of the kitchen, a life they needed to wear shoes to be a part of, a life that didn’t require pregnancy and sandwich making. This life was good.

I give props to the women that fought for the freedoms I take for granted every day. Good job ladies. But somehow this message became skewed.

Affirmative Action benefited white females more than anyone else (look it up!). So, when you hear these mid-western machinists complaining they lost their job to a black man, they are wrong.  They lost their job to a white female. Because of Affirmative Action, I no long have to get on my knees to get a promotion.

Women want equal pay for equal work. And that quip sounds logical. It sounds totally fair. When I think of it in those simplest of terms, I agree. But then a little thinking happens and I remember women are in charge of baring children, still. No amount of bra burning could change that fact. And the child baring process can be difficult and require a lot of time off. Women are allowed more maternity leave than men are given for paternity leave. Women also take more sick days. Women are also more likely to hurt themselves on the job and file for disability. Women also sue more. Sexual harassment charges cost companies lots of money. Women are expensive to companies, so it makes sense they would take some of that expense out of pay to their female employees.

I have accepted the fact that my male counterparts will probably make more money than me. I hope they have accepted the fact that when we go out to happy hour, they are picking up the tab. 

The Same Old Waiter's Rant

With all the books, blogs, and tweets about how difficult it is to deal with the general public, I am surprised people still need to be reminded to not be assholes to the workers that handle your food. The things I hear working in a restaurant are just astonishing. I do not know why it is necessary to remind people to act like a normal human when they are out in public, but apparently it needs to be said.

Here are a few rules to eating out.

1.      I do not care how old you are, bring your fucking ID. I am sick of having to kick you out because you are an asshole that goes into public without an ID. Honestly, who does that? How does that ever sound like a good idea? What if something happened to you while you were out? Not carrying your ID makes it really difficult to ID your body. So, in case of death, carry your ID.

2.      If you were dumb enough to leave your ID at home, do not get pissed at me for telling you that you need it to be in bar. It is not my fault you left your ID at home, that is yours. Figure out your life, dude.

3.      If your friend or family member was kicked out for not having an ID, don’t tell me you changed your mind on food, that you lost your appetite. You are not Ghandi up in this bitch. If you really have that much issue with the law, do something more productive, like writing your local politicians.

4.     Trying to bring your young children or anyone under the age of 21 into a bar is illegal. I understand your newborn is not going to be drinking, but your newborn is not 21 years old.

5.    Don’t be cheap. That means don’t get pissed because you cannot use your discount card on a holiday. And if you had read the back of your card or the agreement you signed, you would know your stupid card is not accepted on any holiday. Asshole. It also means don’t ask me how much things cost. If you want it, just order it. I am not a walking rolodex of prices. And if you and your friends need to split an eight dollar tab three ways, I think you should reassess your friendships.

6.      Don’t ask me if I am new. That is just rude. I do not go to your work and ask you if you are new. I don’t ask you if you are new to drinking when you order a blackberry mojito or a white peach sangria. I don’t ask if you are new to the country when you do not have your ID on you. So, if you could throw the same courtesy at me that would be great.

7.      Don’t hit on me. I know you think I am interested because I am being really nice and funny and smiling at you a lot, but that is my job. I don’t read into how well your file papers at you job, don’t try reading into mine. I don’t want your number, I do not want to give you mine, and I do not want to go out on a date with you. What I want is for you to order your drink, shut up, and give me a really nice tip. That is all.

8.      Don’t snap for me. I will ignore you. If you do this, you are obviously a fucking asshole. Dick.

9.      Don’t tell me you are in a hurry and then sit in my section for three hours. In fact, unless you are ordering copious amounts of food and alcohol and tipping me really well, I never want you to sit in my section for three hours. When you loiter, you are costing me money. There are other people that could be using that table. Go to Starbucks.

10.   When you are ordering your food, I do not need your life story. I don’t care if you are “being bad” by ordering the chocolate cake, just get the fucking cake and shut up. And don’t say you are “being bad” by ordering Iced Tea. That doesn’t even make sense. Ordering shots of 151 is bad; drinking Iced Tea is just…well, drinking Iced Tea. If you need to tell me about a food allergy, that is fine, but I don’t want to hear about when you developed this allergy and how hard everything is because of this allergy and I don’t want to hear about this “one time at this other restaurant”. I just simply do not give a fuck. You are a money symbol to me. That is all. Shut up and let me do my job.

11.   I feel like most of you reading this have already forgotten the rules, so please start back at the beginning.

Just remember to be nice to the person handling your food. While I have never personally done anything to taint the food I serve, I cannot say as much for people I have worked with. 

You are the Reason Your Kid is a Prick

I am tired of parents saying that if people do not have kids they are not allowed to judge. What a fucking cop out.

Remember being a kid and saying that you would never treat your kids the way your parents treated you? I think that went a little too far. There is a serious generational gap in the behavior of baby boomers and the current generation of children. Sure, there are a lot of differences in everyday life, like technology, but the differences in behavior really astound me.

My parents are Baby Boomers. They are part of the generation that experimented with acid and protested Vietnam, and went to college to avoid the draft. Their generation was historic and great. Their generation watched and participated as the world changed. They saw men walk on the moon, they saw Kennedy change history, they saw MLK move millions of people, they experienced Woodstock, they knew of Reagan the actor. My parents were part of changing the world.

The Baby Boomers were great. They were idealistic and empowered and active. They had energy and education. It didn’t hurt that the generation before them (their parents) had lived through the depression. My grandparent’s generation did a lot of groundwork for my parents. My grandparents made sure their children would be able to receive an education, if not afforded by them, afforded by the government, afforded through student loans at reasonable rates and through scholarships. They encouraged and empowered the Baby Boomers. People growing up and living through the depression knew how important government is, they knew how important voting is, they knew what it meant to be too complacent with the status quo and they passed that energy to my parents.

However, most people of my parents’ generation did not pass that same energy and mentality onto us. Maybe it is because they saw their protest do little to stop a foreign war. Maybe it is because burning their bras did little to further women’s place in society. Maybe it is because no matter how many people showed up to hear MLK, his message still got lost in the hatred. I do not know. But that idealistic fire got lost somewhere and disgusting complacency has been passed on.

Women fought to be allowed into the work force, and they got their way. And with women ever climbing that corporate ladder and divorce rates soaring and people continuing to breed like it is going out of style, the way children are raised is changing. Kids are not allowed to be kids anymore because colleges are starting to look farther back into a teen’s record in order to assure they are qualified to attend college. Getting a degree in General Studies is getting more and more competitive these days. So, at two months old kids are being put on the waiting list for Pre-School and football camp. And kids are not expected to respect their parents. With both of them being gone at work so often and fighting over custody, it is more about who can buy the child than who is a better parent. At some point it stopped being about the child’s wellbeing and started being about the parent’s bragging rights.

And so it starts. When their three year old is running around the Red Robin screaming at the top of his or her lungs, it is not about what a pain in the ass the kid is being, it is about how strong they are for their age with so much energy and what a great lung capacity they have. Fuck that kid and their parents. You want to know why my parents’ generation was so great? It is because their parents beat the shit out of them. Okay, maybe not literally, but come on!

And heaven forbid anyone say something to the parent of one of these juvenile delinquents. The first question is always “well do you have kids?”, as if that has any bearing on what an asshole their kid is being. Answer “yes” and you are fucked because you raised a child that doesn’t act like a complete prick. Congratufuckinglations. However, answer “no” and you are double fucked because you just don’t understand what is like to raise kids! As if you yourself were raised by a pack of wolves and just happened to assimilate into normal society, or as if you yourself was never a child, or as if you have never been around kids that do not act like selfish douchebags.

Don’t get me wrong, sometimes young kids are just having bad days. I get that. I remember being a child and simply being a little brat and not remembering why. I was just in a mood. I suppose it is similar to me experiencing PMS, but as a four year old. However, I also remember my parents removing me from other people. I also remember my mother threating to beat me in front of God and everyone. Trust me, she meant it. That, my friends, is the key difference.

Now when someone threatens to beat their kids CPS is called. You know what happened when I threatened to call CPS? My mom dared me. I never called. I knew better.

I have a small idea of what it is like to raise children. I have this because, even though I spent a lot of time in daycare, my parents raised me. They instilled the fear of God in me (while managing to not be religious). I knew better than to have sex under their roof, do drugs, drink, party, generally act a fool. I knew there were consequences to my actions. For some reason, kids do not seem to have that same sense of responsibility or self-preservation.

I blame their parents, especially the asshole parents that justify their shitty parenting by saying ‘people without kids would not understand’. I remember being a child. I know what is acceptable. And sure, there are a few things I might do differently, at the end of the day; your kid is a fucking prick because you allow him or her to be, not because the rest of us don’t understand the difficulties.

Maybe, when your kid is acting out, think of how your grandparents or great-grandparents might handle the situation. Try to mimic that. If all else fails, I promise not to call CPS if you spank your kid for acting like a little shit.

You’re welcome.