This summer my parents will be celebrating their 36th
wedding anniversary. With them my brother will be celebrating his 11th
wedding anniversary and the birth of his first child. All of this terrifies me!
Don’t get me wrong, I am super excited to be an aunt. But I think being around
people that are so willing to commit is what makes me so terrified of
commitment.
I cannot imagine being with someone for any extended period of time. My longest relationship is two and a half years. And sure, that is a respectable amount of time to be in a relationship, but there were a couple break-ups during that time. The thought of being with one person and one person only for the rest of my life, honestly, feels like death.
I always hear that I will not feel that way when I meet “the one”, but really I think meeting “the one” will only make it worse. Half of all people, in this country, that get married think they have met “the one”, then two years later they are divorced. I cannot imagine failing at something that I look at as so important. Nor can I imagine spending that much money on something temporary.
Being the first person in my family to get divorced and proving to my parents and brothers that I am a failure is possibly more than I could take. This type of failure is not like failing a class, getting fired from a job, starting a business and going under, not completing a 200+ mile bike ride that my brothers signed me up for against my will, this failure seems so much bigger. This is huge personal failure to me.
Don’t get me wrong, I am not judging other peoples divorce. Sometimes two people grow apart and no amount of therapy, talking, romantic vacations, or anything else can bring those two people back together. And sometimes there are outside influences. And sometimes one person is abusive or unfaithful or whatever. I do not know. But, my goal is not to say anyone divorcing is a failure at life, I am simply saying that I would view my divorce as my biggest failure.
This is something I feel so strongly about, that I would honestly rather not get married. I would rather not try.
I cannot imagine being with someone for any extended period of time. My longest relationship is two and a half years. And sure, that is a respectable amount of time to be in a relationship, but there were a couple break-ups during that time. The thought of being with one person and one person only for the rest of my life, honestly, feels like death.
I always hear that I will not feel that way when I meet “the one”, but really I think meeting “the one” will only make it worse. Half of all people, in this country, that get married think they have met “the one”, then two years later they are divorced. I cannot imagine failing at something that I look at as so important. Nor can I imagine spending that much money on something temporary.
Being the first person in my family to get divorced and proving to my parents and brothers that I am a failure is possibly more than I could take. This type of failure is not like failing a class, getting fired from a job, starting a business and going under, not completing a 200+ mile bike ride that my brothers signed me up for against my will, this failure seems so much bigger. This is huge personal failure to me.
Don’t get me wrong, I am not judging other peoples divorce. Sometimes two people grow apart and no amount of therapy, talking, romantic vacations, or anything else can bring those two people back together. And sometimes there are outside influences. And sometimes one person is abusive or unfaithful or whatever. I do not know. But, my goal is not to say anyone divorcing is a failure at life, I am simply saying that I would view my divorce as my biggest failure.
This is something I feel so strongly about, that I would honestly rather not get married. I would rather not try.
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